


Crack On The Go

by Mifudos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comedy, Crack, Freeform, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Inflation, M/M, Marriage, Mpreg, Nonsense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:07:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21944848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mifudos/pseuds/Mifudos
Summary: I can't explain it. What happens, happens. You've been warned.
Relationships: Severus Snape/Stephen Strange
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Crack On The Go

Severus Snape stared vacantly at a pizza bagel while Tony Stark headbutted a holographic monitor behind him. But because the monitor was holographic, Tony's head went straight through it and hit the very solid desk beneath it. Ouch. Turning around, Severus looked at Tony but seeing that he was unconscious, he simply shrugged and turned back to the pizza bagel. However, when he did, the pizza bagel was gone with not a crumb to be seen. "Damn it, I knew this would happen."

"Hey Snape, why is your hair so greasy?" asked Tony, who had recovered from being unconscious.

"To stop people from touching my hair!" Severus said calmly.

"Why?" asked Tony.

"Because if people pull my hair, I'll get purnant." Severus murmured. "It's like pregnant but instant."

"I will pull your hair." Tony declared, climbing on top of the glass coffee table.

"No, I will get purnant." Severus exclaimed.

"But I am scientist." Tony explained importantly.

"Oh, you're right." Severus nodded. Tony was after all a scientist.

"For science!" Tony cried and taking a lock of Severus' thick greasy black hair, he pulled it. Within five seconds, Severus' stomach swelled, stretching his once fitted black shirt and sending a button flying off which hit Nick Fury in his good eye.

"Ow, my good eye." Fury gasped.

"Science!" proclaimed Tony as he punched the air.

Suddenly, Doctor Strange arrived. He rushed past Hulk, sending him crashing through a wall and into outer space. Then skidding on his knees like a rock star, Doctor Strange planted his face into Severus' newly heaving bosom. "Severus, I heart you." Stephen informed him, tears streaming down his face. "I heart you so much."

"Okay." Severus said.

"Marry me?" Stephen questioned.

"Okay." Severus said. And thus, they were married as the Hulk had returned from space and as everyone knows, the Hulk is secretly a minister and is able to marry people. The two then snogged and it was super intense and Severus got double purnant. They would have snogged more but Severus didn't want to be triple purnant. That's too purnant.

Out of nowhere the pizza bagel returned and it had arms and was holding a machine gun with a sword strapped to it because it was that kind of pizza bagel. That's right, pepperoni. "You should never have taken you eyes off of me, Severus Snape." it squeaked in a monotonous drone. "I will spell your doom! D. O. U?"

"You can't spell my doom because you are illiterate." Severus pointed out.

"No, my only weakness!" screamed the pizza bagel.

"Science!" shouted Tony, his ridiculously sexy abs threatening to tear through his tight shirt. Then retrieving a screw driver from his pocket, he threw it at the pizza bagel. But because it was a pizza bagel, the screw driver passed through the hole in it's middle. Sinking to his knees, Tony threw up his hands and cried "Science has failed me!"

Then Carol Danvers walked into the room. She saw the pizza bagel. The pizza bagel saw her. And Carol ate it. "Yum, pepperoni." she said between chews. 

Everyone cheered and thus the day was saved.


End file.
